Not Quite a Quilt...
May. 16th, 2017 09:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravens_quillBut it is a holding pattern.
I haven't felt like I've much to blog about lately--nothing in my life has really changed in quite a while--I wake up; have coffee; get on the computer to check email, twitter, dw, fb; reply to emails as needed; do editing work as needed; spend more time on twitter and tumblr and fb and whatnot, sometimes netflix; search for jobs I think I'd like and be good for and have the required experience and education; sometimes make dinner; usually water the plants; watch TV; take a shower; go to bed.
I haven't gone out with friends in quite a while, except a brief Starbucks trip with a friend to catch up on things. I look for jobs but I still struggle to push past a motivation block (possibly depression-related, it's a little hard to tell, because the driving symptom is just the lack of motivation/energy/willpower to do things or complete tasks). The anxiety hasn't been too bad (the combo of anxiety-depression is irksome: anxiety "you need to go, do, make. Find a job, get your place. Move, move, move!" and depression: "why bother? who's got the energy for any of that?" and the 'This is fine' comic).
~sighs~
I do want to break out of the holding pattern, though.
Tomorrow there is a job fair. It tends to be more lower-level positions, fast food, manual labor, teaching at the 'get your degree in 18 months' colleges, but that's not all that's there. I might not find anything, but then again, I did get my last job through one of these. It was a teaching job, and I did it well and had that job for five years. Now I want to move out of teaching (not necessarily education, but away from the classroom side of things at least), and preferably towards a communication job possibly related to marketing. So maybe I'll find something there, or maybe I'll break through the block just by interacting with potential employers and pitching myself to them. Maybe I can come away from that and be motivated to spend the following day actually applying for the jobs I find.
Fingers crossed.
The social anxiety I sometimes have to deal with is rearing its head, saying the bus ride will be crowded and uncomfortable, and it'll be hot, and I'll sweating the whole day, and the fair itself will be crowded, and the idea of being surrounded by people makes my chest a little tight.
But I try to turn it around and tell myself it's the next step towards making the life I want. A job I like going to every day, not the easiest work but satisfying, the energy and motivation to keep writing in the evenings and weekend, getting stories published here and there, maybe getting some of my novels published. A home of my own, not cluttered but full of little wonders. When people come over, there's a small detail in every corner to draw their eye--an old book, a figurine, a piece of art, a sculpture. Objects that seem like they belong, but also seem to hold a little bit of magic in them, ready to tell a story.
That idea is worth fighting for, so the next step is find a full-time job. So today I am researching the job fair to see what all I should bring (a folder with copies of my resume, of course, and a bottle of water, but maybe something else?), get a sense of what companies will be represented there, and prepare for tomorrow, when I will haul out some business casual dress clothes, hop on the bus and head for a job fair.
I haven't felt like I've much to blog about lately--nothing in my life has really changed in quite a while--I wake up; have coffee; get on the computer to check email, twitter, dw, fb; reply to emails as needed; do editing work as needed; spend more time on twitter and tumblr and fb and whatnot, sometimes netflix; search for jobs I think I'd like and be good for and have the required experience and education; sometimes make dinner; usually water the plants; watch TV; take a shower; go to bed.
I haven't gone out with friends in quite a while, except a brief Starbucks trip with a friend to catch up on things. I look for jobs but I still struggle to push past a motivation block (possibly depression-related, it's a little hard to tell, because the driving symptom is just the lack of motivation/energy/willpower to do things or complete tasks). The anxiety hasn't been too bad (the combo of anxiety-depression is irksome: anxiety "you need to go, do, make. Find a job, get your place. Move, move, move!" and depression: "why bother? who's got the energy for any of that?" and the 'This is fine' comic).
~sighs~
I do want to break out of the holding pattern, though.
Tomorrow there is a job fair. It tends to be more lower-level positions, fast food, manual labor, teaching at the 'get your degree in 18 months' colleges, but that's not all that's there. I might not find anything, but then again, I did get my last job through one of these. It was a teaching job, and I did it well and had that job for five years. Now I want to move out of teaching (not necessarily education, but away from the classroom side of things at least), and preferably towards a communication job possibly related to marketing. So maybe I'll find something there, or maybe I'll break through the block just by interacting with potential employers and pitching myself to them. Maybe I can come away from that and be motivated to spend the following day actually applying for the jobs I find.
Fingers crossed.
The social anxiety I sometimes have to deal with is rearing its head, saying the bus ride will be crowded and uncomfortable, and it'll be hot, and I'll sweating the whole day, and the fair itself will be crowded, and the idea of being surrounded by people makes my chest a little tight.
But I try to turn it around and tell myself it's the next step towards making the life I want. A job I like going to every day, not the easiest work but satisfying, the energy and motivation to keep writing in the evenings and weekend, getting stories published here and there, maybe getting some of my novels published. A home of my own, not cluttered but full of little wonders. When people come over, there's a small detail in every corner to draw their eye--an old book, a figurine, a piece of art, a sculpture. Objects that seem like they belong, but also seem to hold a little bit of magic in them, ready to tell a story.
That idea is worth fighting for, so the next step is find a full-time job. So today I am researching the job fair to see what all I should bring (a folder with copies of my resume, of course, and a bottle of water, but maybe something else?), get a sense of what companies will be represented there, and prepare for tomorrow, when I will haul out some business casual dress clothes, hop on the bus and head for a job fair.