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That subject line is paraphrased from a comment I left on someone else's DW. Perhaps a bit of hubris, but I liked the sound of it.
And frankly, it's a little too apropo today.
On the surface, my life hasn't changed much in recent months--I am still on the job hunt, still writing albeit in fits and starts (partially due to finishing the first draft of a novel and coming down from that last big push, and partially due to just being stuck in my current WIPs), and still crafting when the mood strikes me (I -want- to craft more than I actually -do-, because sometimes desire doesn't coincide with motivation and energy).
But below the surface is a roiling undercurrent of emotion. Frustrations with family members, turmoil with friends, and dissatisfaction with life in general (to say nothing of the horror of our current political climate). I don't know how to push past it, and it's hard to move forward when the other people involved are seemingly content to keep things as they are. Saying something just tends to be brushed off or misinterpreted.
It makes me feel small, quiet, invisible.
I don't like it.
Sometimes saying that is enough to mentally gird my loins and push through to productivity, doing something hands-on or creative, a bit of a work I can be proud of or happy to have completed, at least. But the times it doesn't work, I find myself going in circles.
Today is a circle day. I'm spiraling a little bit. But trying to crawl out of it and break the loop by relishing the happiness of others. Seeing someone else enjoy a thing or (re)discover joy is a good feeling, too.
~deep breath~ Yeah, gonna hold onto that thought for today, and break the cycle.
Also, it's now raining. Pouring, really. I love the rain.
Have a good weekend, everyone.
And frankly, it's a little too apropo today.
On the surface, my life hasn't changed much in recent months--I am still on the job hunt, still writing albeit in fits and starts (partially due to finishing the first draft of a novel and coming down from that last big push, and partially due to just being stuck in my current WIPs), and still crafting when the mood strikes me (I -want- to craft more than I actually -do-, because sometimes desire doesn't coincide with motivation and energy).
But below the surface is a roiling undercurrent of emotion. Frustrations with family members, turmoil with friends, and dissatisfaction with life in general (to say nothing of the horror of our current political climate). I don't know how to push past it, and it's hard to move forward when the other people involved are seemingly content to keep things as they are. Saying something just tends to be brushed off or misinterpreted.
It makes me feel small, quiet, invisible.
I don't like it.
Sometimes saying that is enough to mentally gird my loins and push through to productivity, doing something hands-on or creative, a bit of a work I can be proud of or happy to have completed, at least. But the times it doesn't work, I find myself going in circles.
Today is a circle day. I'm spiraling a little bit. But trying to crawl out of it and break the loop by relishing the happiness of others. Seeing someone else enjoy a thing or (re)discover joy is a good feeling, too.
~deep breath~ Yeah, gonna hold onto that thought for today, and break the cycle.
Also, it's now raining. Pouring, really. I love the rain.
Have a good weekend, everyone.
